Tuesday, October 07, 2008
IM GOING SO CRAZY AGAIN~~i dunno why...i've nt been myself since ydae...
mayb i was never myself to start with...
i feel so GUILTY...
that i began to tok rubbish to Samsam...
duNno why...
suddenly i thinking of dada again...
the memories just flashed
and i guessed from the things i said to sam...
it made him insecure...
he's nt as cute as edison
or as talented as lee hom...
and by admiring others' talents i think i made him feel inferior...
he is so worried that he isnt a good enuff bf...
but i think im the one whu isnt good enuff for him
i dunno why would someone be able to love a gal so much even when he noes that the gal mostly likely wun be with him forever...
Juz cuz im his DReAmGaL?
im
reAlli nt worthy of his love...
how does he even find security in someone whu is unwilling to promise him anything?
we're tgt for onli for 2 months
and he thinks he wanna marry mi...
when he asked if i would wanna marry him...i guess my ans disappointed him
and our conversation at night made him
Sad...*im sorry*i didnt mean to say such stuffs but i feel that im short-changing him with the amt of love him giving samsam...i dunno why...mayb its the sad songs i was listening to...
i Criedand suddenly i tot: 'eventually
you'how true?
cant imagine us getting back tgt le...
todae i saw c-130 fly pass 2x at night while i was waiting for JH & linus in the car
immediately i gt excited...
i was tinking if it was dada...
its been quite a while since we even talked
all our happi memories flashed back...
i miss dada!!
i looked the last msg i received...
=(
im nt too sure wad will happen in future...
but im feeling that i wun last till marriage with samsam...
mayb one day he will change my mind...
but if he dun i hope the image of his 'dreamgal' wun get distorted...
hard to sae...
im jux hopeful...
i changed my file and found one note which was written to mi abt 2years ago...
a letter from dad telling mi to jiayou and he will alwaes be by my side...
why i did i let all things happened in the 1st place?
to hurt and lose someone whu love mi so much~
he's the one i regret losing
and sam's the one i regret being with...
nt that he's nt good but we shudnt have started in the 1st place...
my life is totally messed cuz of my dumb decisions...
greed is with obviously within human nature...
and the worse is both are wonderful ppl
at the end of it...its to be contented...
aM i?
i blogged @
10/07/2008 12:33:00 AM
