the more i listened to the song the worse i felt... i jux couldnt control my tears they jux started rolling down nonstop and lasted for more than an hour it jux couldnt stop i could tell him wad happened i cant explain why i felt this way... all i noe was i missed you... the more he love and care for mi, the worse i felt
woke up feeling so tired and terrible my eyes swelled freda asked wad happen...if i party too much... HELL NO but jux didnt hav enuff slp... how to hav eyes that swollen jux cause i didnt have enuff slp
at the end of the day i dunno why i got a feeling that i wanna cya
went to the dentist.. and back hoping to cya somehow when i was at tpy le i tot i wouldnt get a chance to cya cuz it was late le... was at the door, gonna board the bus le i saw someone like u...took another look ITS YOU so i went to tap on ur shower =)
its been a long long time since we saw each other the conversation was so cold... and my heart raced nv felt that before...and my mood went down again
mayb u havent realli forgive mi yet mayb u still dun wanna see mi yet but when i was gonna give up hope of seeing u... u appeared thats wad made mi decide to go say hi~ and i still prefer the bubbly u.... u forced a smile...
fell in love with this song the 1st time i heard it... so sad... the lyrics are wonderfully written
holding on to a relationship is realli tough forgetting one doesnt seems to be dat easy either it reminded mi of the empty promises i made how i broke ur heart that u eventually left mi... ... i tot i could give u up for some1 else but i end up feeling the guilt whenever says he love mi even more it made mi realli touched and let mi recall how u used to stand by mi, cry with mi and all the happiest times we used to share
as much as he alwaes sae dat he wanna be w mi forever but if i were to leave him one dae he wud let mi go but meanwhile he jux wanna love mi to his max and take care of mi is there realli someone whu is as silly as him to wanna go all out to please a gal whu cant even promise him much of a future tgt the longer we're tgt the more terrible i feel especially when i feel that he seems to be loving mi more after each conversation
since being together, we never had the ,luxury to spend the entire dae tgt slacking at home cuz im alwae busy with teaching and gym or gg out somewre we hardly have 4 hours of peace tgt and i finally came on last mon we did NUTTIN jux slping in his arms from morning to sunset he was realli happi to see mi when he open his eyes jux like how u used to love to see mi 1st thing u wake up in the morning we chatted and i started crying... cuz he was worried that i didnt wanna tell him the reason why i was crying a few days ago...how silly of him...the lose this slp cuz of something i didnt wanna tell him abt...but there are some things are betta not known told him why i was tgt with him... cuz i didnt noe how to tell him that dragged the matter and ended up doing things i shudnt do causing u to leave mi in the end thats why i did not leave him too...
mayb its within him hat he's prepared to see mi leave anytime i dunno when do i wanna wake up from this but its aint as easy as i tot to leave a silly boy like him i dunno when "eventually" will come... but if it ever comes...i hope that i will noe wad i REALLI wan
i blogged @
10/30/2008 11:57:00 PM
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
i realli feel very blessed to hav sam sam dote on mi so much~ well in fact majority of the guys whu became my bf are very nice to mi thx God for nt having too many jerks in my life dun ask mi why BUT it jux happened...
i blogged @
10/28/2008 10:29:00 PM
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
6 MONTHS, 8 DAYS...
I just suddenly remember this song by Brian McKnight, 6 months, 8 days, 12 hours... dada asked mi to search for it i realli liked it since the 1st time i heard it althou its realli sad...
excluding 13th apr...todae is the 6th month, 8th day since our phuket trip... 'the dae i went awae' broke the heart of someone who realli cherished mi and gave his ALL to me.... everythingy pass so fast... and life jux dun realli get any better
i went to the idp conference on suN... to check out wad uni i can go to after graduation. seems like nuttins gonna happen from then all cuz EVERY1 SAID: pHysiotherapy... arh...its a very competetive course to enter, so you require a very high GPA to get in...wads ur GPA? i realli dunno how to ans... so being sick and tired of them tell mi that its at least a 3.5 i jux said 3... but in actual fact... im damn far from 3! and i can never reach a GPA of 3! i was realli fustrated by all the freaking angmOhs whu were trying to bullshit mi gosh! how many pple actualli have 3.5? definitely less than 10 in the whole damn course! i was realli upset... i applied for 3 unis... knowing that curtin would definitely nt accept mi, i realli hope at least USyd or UQ would take mi and im darn worried... somewhere pls take mi in~
i peeped at tak's blog again todae... after so long~ well at least i do see some nice smiles on dada's face... guess dis time he realli managed to kick mi out of his life totally le... well at least he gt rid of sth that stab him in his heart dats mi! realli glad that he is smiling again =)
i feel so lost todae~ why do i feel this way? im realli in need for a hug and some1 to comfort mi im alwaes in need for hugs~ i still feel empty and alone... ... ... ...
no one knows hw i feel no one knows wad i wan no one is there for mi no one cares for the slightest bit i've lost everything... including myself ="(
i blogged @
10/22/2008 09:15:00 PM
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
IM GOING SO CRAZY AGAIN~~ i dunno why...i've nt been myself since ydae... mayb i was never myself to start with... i feel so GUILTY... that i began to tok rubbish to Samsam...
duNno why... suddenly i thinking of dada again... the memories just flashed and i guessed from the things i said to sam... it made him insecure...
he's nt as cute as edison or as talented as lee hom... and by admiring others' talents i think i made him feel inferior... he is so worried that he isnt a good enuff bf... but i think im the one whu isnt good enuff for him i dunno why would someone be able to love a gal so much even when he noes that the gal mostly likely wun be with him forever... Juz cuz im his DReAmGaL? im reAlli nt worthy of his love... how does he even find security in someone whu is unwilling to promise him anything?
we're tgt for onli for 2 months and he thinks he wanna marry mi... when he asked if i would wanna marry him...i guess my ans disappointed him and our conversation at night made him Sad...*im sorry* i didnt mean to say such stuffs but i feel that im short-changing him with the amt of love him giving samsam... i dunno why...mayb its the sad songs i was listening to... i Cried and suddenly i tot: 'eventually you'
how true? cant imagine us getting back tgt le... todae i saw c-130 fly pass 2x at night while i was waiting for JH & linus in the car immediately i gt excited... i was tinking if it was dada... its been quite a while since we even talked all our happi memories flashed back... i miss dada!! i looked the last msg i received... =(
im nt too sure wad will happen in future... but im feeling that i wun last till marriage with samsam... mayb one day he will change my mind... but if he dun i hope the image of his 'dreamgal' wun get distorted... hard to sae... im jux hopeful...
i changed my file and found one note which was written to mi abt 2years ago... a letter from dad telling mi to jiayou and he will alwaes be by my side... why i did i let all things happened in the 1st place? to hurt and lose someone whu love mi so much~ he's the one i regret losing and sam's the one i regret being with... nt that he's nt good but we shudnt have started in the 1st place... my life is totally messed cuz of my dumb decisions...
greed is with obviously within human nature... and the worse is both are wonderful ppl at the end of it...its to be contented...
aM i?
i blogged @
10/07/2008 12:33:00 AM
Wednesday, October 01, 2008
FiNally the Hols BegiN le...so faSt its midweeK of 1st week of hOliday... gRrrRr~~~ for the past 3 dAys all i did wAS TO go out and to watch my drama hehe... Am so tired... wHy so TirEd lehs? siAnz gta do mY FYP...not jux dat... i still gta study for my next attAchMent... tRying not to let AudreY giV mi heLL... SuCh a BiTCH!!
TUESDAY went to scH in the MorninG to diScuSs abt Our FYP... den left in the AfterNoOn...to go AH to meet SAmsAm was rAining...lUCky got UmbrElla... buT he no hab..so all wet le...hahahaha
after we drANK avocado JuiCe and lAkSa... YuMmY~~~ den we went back to vivo to change my sAnDles... and we went for a SHOPPIN SPREE!!! hahaz... aLL long Sleeves! muAhahaAha~~~ den go bAkerzin for diNner den went hoMe...
weDNeSdAe nO SuN =( cAnt tAn...so we went to tke pic at cine and ate pepper lunCh Yay!!! walk walked and went home... hehe
i blogged @
10/01/2008 08:13:00 PM
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
blogging cuz some1 ask y nv update =( wad to write lehs...
jux so tired these daes oso dunno why...hMmm im so excited over fridae's broadway jazz! woNder how izit like lehx... wad if one dae i dun be a physio? hMmm...but i dun think im good enuff to get into the dancing world plus maybe by then i'll be too old to start le =( haiz... DANCE - my passion =) totalli in love with it...
went for ras's clz ydae...damn cool...its so my groove... hahas...nt event... RUSSIAN ballet! dunno if can get to watch nts... missed them the other time...
piAngs lee hOm coming to town too!!! gosh so sHuai~ wanna watch too!!! -_-" why so poor now?
i blogged @
9/10/2008 08:28:00 PM
We LovE, beCauSe HE 1st LovEd uS...
The One & ONLI
XiAoxUereN
bAllerina
hiPhoP dAncer
bAsketBaller
pHysiO-to-bE...who was borN...
on 13th mAy 1987
im nuTtiN but a crAzy gAl and oNe wHo conStAntly seeks for fun n relAxation...
LOVES;
huBbY ChUbi
YumMy fOOd:
dArK chOcoLAte
chOco-miNt iCe crEaM
eScaGots
FuN aNd lAuGhTer:
bAskEtbAll
DaNcinG (my eveRlAsting pAssion)
wAtcH tV
sLacK
PlaY mY drUms
diStUrB mY frEnz
stuFfs thAt giMme an AdrEnAlin ruSh =)
tRaveLLin
shOPpiN
pEoPle:
cArol deAr
soTonG ZheN zhEn
mAryAnn dArliN
pEixi tHe siAo
pAtRiciA the crAzy
tinGting the gAlgAl
HATES;
mY bOokS! hAte to stUdy mAn!
hYpOcriTes (unfortuNately dEy are ard!)
*giMme some time to aDd to thE liSt*
DESIRES;
moSt imPtlY
cASh
more cloThEs
a niCe wAtcH
dO dAmn weLL in mY stUdies to gO to aUstRAliA
moRe fReeDoM
*i'LL lOOk for tHem the nExt timE i gO shOppiN
